Birthday time!

Birthday time!

My birthday came and went. By now, I have seen many come and go!
The feeling I have had on this day has changed over time.

My kids asked me what gift I wanted for my birthday and I couldn't think of anything. I stared out of the window and looked back at my journey...

When I was a kid, it meant that I get to wear 'coloured' clothes to school and distribute toffees to my classmates and then have a party at home for my friends in the building. A new set of clothes was a must, with a spot of turmeric applied to the collar, which apparently augurs for more clothes to come! 

The unknown factor was always my 'star birthday' which is my birthday as per the Hindu calendar. I never had an idea when that fell, but was always pleasantly surprised to see my mom and granny churning out my favourite 'Pal Kova' which is a sweet made from milk. Then lining up to seek the blessings of the elders in the house, of which there were many. They left with time, but their blessings stayed back.

During my teens, it was a day out with my friends. Movie, an ice cream treat and maybe watching the Roland Garros final together. I was crazy about sports shoes and gear then. I knew the brand of the shoes and gear endorsed by every tennis and cricket player. In fact, there was this very educative and informative magazine called 'Debonair' which once had a quiz. They showed pictures of the legs of female tennis players taken while serving. These were shot from a camera which was aesthetically placed behind them at court level...! Uhm, I swear I got all correct, only because I knew what shoes Chris Evert, Steffi Graf, Gabriela Sabatini and Carling Bassett wore!

It wasn't easy to afford fancy gear in those days. My dad had an industrialist friend who was a regular tennis player. I told him that I am struggling with my serve. He advised that all i needed to do was to take a bucket full of tennis balls and keep hitting serves! Back then, to afford a bucket full of tennis balls was unimaginable. We used to pelt the felt of one measly ball till it cried for mercy! 

Then for some years I was alone. So, many birthdays meant phone calls from the family and birthday cards received by post from old friends who never forgot to wish me. To receive a card or letter and guess the sender just by the handwriting was a special feeling. 

Thankfully I have not had any of those ‘surprise’ parties although it is a common phenomenon. You know the kind where your spouse suddenly starts behaving strangely. Unusual trips out of the house, whispering on the phone and disconnecting when you enter the room. You wonder if it’s an affair and then realize that it’s nothing but a surprise party being planned…again. You get home from work and you are greeted by all your friends who scream “Happy birthday!” You then act surprised because you don’t want to hurt them. They then proceed to grill you if you had any clue. You lie that you didn’t have the faintest idea. You spend the rest of the evening watching your spouse and the co conspirators discussing all the close shaves they had and giving hi fives to one another on how successfully they pulled it off!

Wishing for gifts or even wanting to buy something for myself is no longer a craze.
In one of my many bizarre assignments in my career, I once had to accompany a wealthy socialite on her shopping spree. She bought everything from designer bags with silly initials to a Mahatma Gandhi limited edition pen with a snow capped French mountain as its logo. Quite frankly, a gel pen from my daughter's pencil box writes better. The irony that a simple man with great values was being used as a marketing gimmick to sell a pen which will probably be used by someone who is neither simple nor great put me off completely. Instead of looking at it as ‘A fine writing instrument' and a status symbol, it became a stark reminder of the unfortunate death of Dr Homi Bhabha. 

At the end of the shopping ordeal, the lady, who was quite impressed by my ability to act as a translator, guide and efficient shopping bag carrier, asked me to pick any gift for myself. I told her "there is nothing in this mall that I need". The stunned expression on her face was priceless. 

There was a phase when I aspired for a Swiss watch and am still fascinated by watches, but this defining moment with the lady made me feel almost nauseous towards acquiring stuff. 

Expensive  cars advertise that owning that car shows that you have 'arrived', but I know by now that you have truly arrived only when you have managed to beat the traffic and get home in time to tuck your kids to bed. 

So if there is something I wish for on my birthday, it is time. Time to spend the day with my family.  Time to savour all the phone calls and wishes from friends whom I have known all my life. Time to reflect on all the memories of the family who are not with me but made me what I am today.

And about the Swiss watch...well, I have a watch gifted by my Granny 20 years ago which not only shows good time but also reminds me of good times…

Bored Games...

Bored Games...

The summer vacations are round the corner. There I go, reminiscing again!

The standard celebration after the last exam was to rent a bicycle for 2 hours and cycle all over the place like a madman. 

Holidays meant playing Cricket every morning and evening. The afternoons were spent playing carrom, cards, monopoly, book cricket or just yapping with friends while sitting on the stairs or on the terrace. 

We became members of libraries to borrow books and comics. Books played cupid when boys used that as an excuse to chat up with the girls next door. 

Our parents used to take us along to visit some relatives. In those days, we really had no choice. The ‘pehchaan kaun’ aunty would quiz me with the “Do you know who I am?” and would just not take no for an answer.  It was always a difficult question to answer, especially with a mouthful of Mysore Pak.

Then there was this Uncle who would give me this big hug and ask me my marks. He would then proceed to ask me my ambitions. I was 12 and the only ambition I had at that time was to somehow escape his hug and questions.

Sometimes I used to sneak down and try and make friends with kids in that building. One kid and I got talking about Cricket as usual and he asked me what my highest score was. So I said “42”, recollecting my monumental innings in last week’s underarm game. He gave me that condescending look and said “My highest score is 218 not out, what are your best bowling figures?” I smartened up and said “You tell me first”!

Without TV and the internet, we did get bored. I used to sit by the window or in the balcony and do nothing for hours. I am still good at it. The only problem my parents had with me doing nothing was that my mouth would be open and they used to remind me to shut it. Sometimes I used to complain to my Mom “Amma, bore addikaradu...”  The literal translation is “Bore is hitting me”. She used to look up from the Dosa batter that she was grinding and advise me gently “Ni bora addi”! This means “You hit bore back”!

Times have changed. Summer vacation now means putting our kids in all sorts of classes and making programmes so that they are not bored. Parents want their kids to be some all conquering ,Piano playing, bollywood dancing, Tennis and Taekwondo champ.

 Kids are exposed to various activities because the facilities are available and the parents can probably afford it nowadays. Most kids also drop out of some of these activities because of boredom or lack of interest. We, as parents, also believe in not forcing them to do anything that they don’t like. We don’t even force them to come along to places or activities that they are not interested in. Maybe it’s a scar from the past and we don’t want our kids to endure what we had to when we were kids.

We want the best for our kids and we are doing everything to keep them happy.

In today’s age, other than the activities and classes that we arrange, they have hordes of entertainment on their finger tips, with TV, internet, video games and electronic gadgets.

But I wonder if that’s a good thing? If the children are constantly engaged in stuff that they like to do and get everything instantly, what happens when they are forced to do something they don’t like or something boring later in life? What happens if they are stuck in a job they don’t like or a profile that is boring and they don’t have any choice? What if they don’t get what they want instantly? Can they cope?

Will they have the virtue of patience, the tenacity to grind it out while doing something they don’t like? Will they have the doggedness to overcome boredom with a smile?

I feel that our parents, inadvertently, helped in building our character. 

Boredom, in my opinion, builds your personality.  Sitting and doing nothing for some time helps increase creativity.  Spending time alone is also great for introspection.

As a wise man once said “Spend some time alone, If you cannot enjoy your own company, how can you impose it on others?!”

Who am i to judge?

Who am I to judge?

It is human tendency to form an opinion about someone .Bias exists across society.  Anyone who doesn’t conform to our way of thinking is quickly stereotyped and put in some box or labeled some ‘type’.

I remember my conversation with my great grandfather, Anna (the non-initiates may refer to my earlier blog ‘Bala aahe ka’) after my first day in a new school… 

Anna: Did you make any friends?

 Me: Pulkit.

Anna: Pulkit means what? 

 Me: Don’t know, will find out.

 So the next day I asked Pulkit and came home and told Anna “Pulkit says Pulkit means happy”. 

He shook his head with an exasperated grimace and rephrased the question “What is Pulkit?” 

With my limited knowledge of grammar, I felt the question sounded wrong. I was nine. 

He then went on to clarify “Is he a Brahmin or Non Brahmin?”

 I shrugged and said “Don’t know, he is just my friend”. 

That was the era when all South Indians thought that all North Indians were Punjabis and all North Indians thought that all South Indians were Madrasis. 

Even today, many people still think that Tamil, Malayalam, Kannada & Telugu are all the same language classified under “Undu Gundu”.

Other than the Indian language bias, there was also this tendency to judge people by the way they spoke English or by the music they listened to or the movies they watched. There was a phase when anyone who listened to non English music or preferred 

speaking in Hindi or their mother tongue was termed a “Vern”, short for vernacular.

 I have met some amusing people. I knew this guy who said “b@!!$” instead of “b%b$” For example “Mosambi Chatterjee has very nice b@!!$” I must say that his choice of words in describing  the female anatomy was rather unusual.

This chap also had this weird nail on the little finger of his left hand which he let grow and it was almost two inches long. He even applied nail polish on it so he had a pink pinky.  His ‘cutiecolour ‘choice was indeed disconcerting.

People are also judged by the way they dress. When I was a kid, if a guy wore pink or an earring, he was considered gay. As I grew older I realized that some guys like to wear pink or earrings and that’s ok and I now understand  that some  guys  are gay and that’s ok too.

There was also this phenomenon of the ‘tikli type’... Girls who wore western outfits but had a bindi on their forehead.  I suppose that comes from the Hindu tradition in some families where girls always have a bindi. I now think that it’s totally their choice and one should respect that.

Coming to think of it, that Mosambi Chatterjee fan wasn’t exactly my bosom buddy but was a very helpful guy who once rushed me to the hospital when I hurt my ankle and ensured that I was ok.

I admit I had a tendency to judge people on their appearance or by the way they spoke, but I am trying to change.

 So I started accepting that people are different and everyone isn’t like me. The way they are could be because of their upbringing, culture, social environment or just how they are wired.

It’s not that I have become a saint or that I don’t judge people anymore.

It’s just that I try not to judge people by their English skills, sense of dressing, food habits or even sexual inclination.

I do, however, still form opinions based on their conduct, attitude and behaviour. 

I just keep it simple and divide people into two categories. Those who are

Chu#iyas  and those who are not!